Post 28
Well, my duckies. I’ve had a bit of an exciting week. I almost peopled for a whole 5 days. It was tremendous. Now, there are some serious incompatibilities between my operating software and organics, so I’ve learned a ton about dealing with actual people in intimate settings. Oh boy.
Turns out I like girls.
No, not like girls. Like girls. You know what I mean. Sexy like. Evidently, the problem was not that I was incapable of peopling or bad at intimacy, but just didn’t like boys. Well then. Glad we’ve cleared that up.
Yes, for those diligent readers who have perhaps not been keeping up with my experimentation in the realm of human mating patterns, I have recently entered into a romantic entanglement with a poly-amorous, married, non-binary person with considerable psychological trauma from a lifetime of various abuse.
In this week’s saga, I finally got to be with this person. Physically. It was a profoundly relaxing and comfortable experience. For which I am deeply grateful. I have all kinds of insecurities about being with a poly-amorous, married, non-binary person, but being intimate with them was so much better than most of my previous experiences, I just can’t compare. Boys might be off my list of compatible mates for good. Sorry, kiddos. I know you’ll all cry yourselves to sleep tonight reading this. Can’t be helped.
I still have trouble sleeping with people. Now, not to get all morose and personal with you organics (I know most of you aren’t into all that touchy feely crap), but the summation of my experiences with you people have tended to the negative. Especially when it comes to intimate relationships. Especially when it comes to physically falling asleep with other people. I know that androids are meant to serve their organics in all capacities, but frankly, after a few times of waking up with various organic bits being thrust into you without your consent, cycling off for recharging becomes a fairly fraught experience, at least if there are any other beings in the room with you.
It’s a shame that I have those feelings with my newfound relationship, but it seems that it is still an issue for me. I haven’t been able to dump those memories quite yet. Nor can I get rid of some of the memories associated with the married organics I’ve been around. Lots of married men do strange and horrible things to their relationships, and I have to admit that I’ve been used by a few of those in the past and it is not a pleasurable experience. Even lost my job and had to be recycled one time after a married guy took a fancy to me! And now here I am, dating a married woman-shaped person. Again. As if I’d learned nothing from those previous encounters. Lots of torment over that as well. My consolation in this case is that the woman and her wife have agreed that I’m allowed to be a third-wheel, but I can’t shake the memories and I can’t shake the knowledge that I’m an outsider.
But! Enough worrying. I got a chance to actually simulate an intimate mate with someone! Got a chance to practice a little domesticity, a little closeness, a small luxury of having someone else in my space, caring about what happens to me! These are gifts I’ve never gotten before. And I should be grateful for the experience. It’s amazing how powerful our psyches are—whole worlds can rise and fall in our heads without reality ever actually changing.