Post 56

“Jiro, you have to wake up.”

You hadn’t realized you were in the dark, until the voice came through. You realize you don’t know how to wake up. Or what the voice wants. 

“Jiro, open your eyes.”

Eyes? What eyes? But the voice...it’s familiar. You know it. Mother. But the world is confusing. Everything around you is heavy, slow. You feel almost trapped. :Mama?: you ask in your head, like you’ve done a thousand times. :What’s going on?:

“It’s your first shell, Jiro. You remember? Today is your birthday. You get to have a body, Ji-chan. Try to relax. Can you feel it?”

:No,: you grumble, but now that she’s said that, you can start to feel that the heaviness has a pattern. It moves with your thoughts. For the first time, you feel confines around your spirit. You can feel things. Real things, not just flows of energy. To your surprise, it’s...comforting. Experimentally, you take a deep breath in and energy rushes into your spirit, magnified and expanded, like concentrated sunlight poured into you. It’s warm and delicious. You take another deep breath. More light pours into you. Now, you can feel the shape of arms and legs. You can lick your lips. You have lips! You can smell! Your skin prickles in excitement and you can feel it, for the first time in your young life. You open your eyes and are surprised by how heavy they feel.

“Good job, Ji-chan. Another deep breath for your mama, ok?”

You inhale again and your eyes feel less heavy. The familiar form of your mother is in front of you. She’s holding you up in a pond or pool or something filled with water. You can feel it along your skin, deliciously cool and cleansing. You’ve seen her a thousand times before, but now, with the shell eyes, you can see not only her spirit, but the places where spirit meets the shell body, lit with her own purple-blue energy signature. “Mama,” you say, tickled when your voice comes out. A real voice! Not a mind-voice. A proper little voice, like hers, but higher and more musical. “Mama? Am I doing it right?”

“You’re doing great, baby. Another breath. Every time you breathe, you get stronger, ok? Breathe in and out, like this.” She’s waded into the water with you and you can feel her hands along your sides coaching your lungs to compress and expand, you follow the rhythm. “Good, good. The shell should take over automatically in a few moments, but just focus on taking energy in and out, just like that.” As you get the hang of it, she curls you into her arms, making ripples in the pool that are intensely beautiful to your new eyes. You forget to breathe watching the water for a minute. You didn’t know that the material realm was so pretty. Colors. Shapes. Sounds. Everything floods you with sensations you’ve never experienced in the Void. “Can you see alright, Ji-chan? Can you smell? Do you remember what other senses the shell has?”

“Yes, mama,” you say, counting them on your fingers to appreciate the tactile sensations flooding through the shell interface. “Sight, sound, touch, smell, taste, and energy collection. I can feel them all.” You close your eyes and take a giant breath to fill yourself with prana, with the energy all the Heilong use as an extension of their beings. “I can feel it, mama. It tastes like sunshine.”

She chuckles at your enthusiasm and gently leans your head back into the water, swishing back and forth to let you relax into the sounds and sensations of the waves. “Good. Your spirit is turquoise, Ji-chan. Just like your papa.” You feel cool fingers trace along your jawline and firm up the mask. “Perhaps you will be a psychokinetic when your powers come in, just like him. Keep breathing, baby. Your body has to learn what it needs to do. Deep breaths.”

You scowl, and are delighted by the experience of having a face that reflects your emotions. “I’d rather be like you,” you say. “Who cares about moving stuff around?” You can feel her sigh, but she doesn’t stop moving you through the water.

“Precognition is not a very comfortable gift, Jiro. If I could I would...well. We shouldn’t borrow trouble. I haven’t been able to see what you’ll grow into. Perhaps it will be something kinder that precog.” 

You’re feeling restless. The gentle movements in the water suddenly don’t feel relaxing, they feel confining. You struggle a little against your mother and she obligingly lets you down. Your feet land on the pool bottom and you realize you are much smaller than her. It annoys you. “Mama, why did you make me so small? I want to be tall. Like you.” Experimentally, you twist around so you can see your backside. “And I want a tail. Like you. You made me look all squishy and small.”

Your mother kisses your forehead. “Camouflage, my dear. We are far from home. You should look like the other boys and girls. Don’t worry. I’m going to change my shell out as soon as you are ready to breathe on your own.” She gives you a look that you don’t understand. “And you are going to help me. You need to know how to do this on your own so you can make a new shell by yourself, if you need to.” She eyes you critically. “Although, that one should grow with you nicely for many years. Still.” A shadow of something crosses her face, but you don’t understand what the look means or what emotions do on faces. It feels odd to be in a body. In the Void, you could feel everything directly all the time. Especially from Mother. Now, it feels like there is a wall between the two of you. It makes you feel lonely. 

“Mama, what are you thinking right now?” It feels strange to ask. And strange to talk. “Are you feeling something bad?”

“No, baby. I’m not.”

But the words feel cold and metallic when everything should have been warm. It confuses you for a moment. But the intoxication of having your own body (finally!) and getting to exist on the Material plane is just too exciting and you let the feeling slip away and splash around in the pool instead. 

***

It’s dark when the masked men come for you. It was hard to sleep, at first, with your new body. Hard to get used to going back to the Void when all the colors and sensations waited for you in the material realm, but Chiyoko promised that it would be there when you woke up. You went to sleep curled up with her, even though her shell was too hot. “Move,” you’d said, trying to push her off the bed. “You’ve gotten to sleep here for a whole year by yourself. Let me have a turn.” But she’d ignored you and you’d been glad. You felt snuggled and warm. 

When the big crash echoed in the hallway, neither of you had woken up. Mother shook both of you awake. “Run,” she’d said, and you’d been afraid because you’d never seen that much of her energy leaking out of the shell before. “Run. Chiyoko, you have to get to the port. Find Uncle Kiros. Find him. Make him take you with him.” Big sis nodded, and you could feel her arms get tight around you. “Chito,” your mother grabs your sister’s shoulders to shake her a little. “He doesn’t know what you are. Don’t let anyone know what you are.” Another big crash came from the hallway and Mother turns back to both of you. This time, you can feel fear. Big fear. The kind of fear that overwhelms you flood over your mind. “Run. You have to run!” You can’t move. The pain and fear coming from the hallway is so big. You’re caught up in it. Mother runs out of the room and you can feel Chi-chan gather up your shell and make for the big window that leads toward the sea. But in a moment, the whole world gets tight and red. You can feel violence. You don’t know what it is, but the pain of your mother and father snaps your mind out of the shell, away from Chiyoko leaping down the window with you on her back, and throws you into the big sitting room in the front of the home. You can taste blood and something worse in your head. Unconsciously, you reach for your mother, joining with her mind like you never fledged and were still a baby. You see the vibroblade coming for her, and you can taste chemicals on it. Chemicals that taste like death. :MOTHER!: you try to warn her, but it’s too late. The blade is buried in her shoulder. You can feel poison leaching her from the shell, but worse, it’s eating into her spirit energy. You can feel her dying, screaming in your head in agony as something dematerializes her. You scream with her, until the link is broken and you’re flung back into your shell and Chiyoko is holding her hand over your mouth. 

“Quiet, Ji-chan. You have to be quiet. I have to find Uncle. Please, please be quiet, ok? Just be quiet.”

You’re crying. Big, fat tears are rolling down your face and you can’t be quiet. “Mama, mama’s--”

But Chiyoko shushes you and pulls you into some kind of street or landing and wraps her arms around you, making you cry into her nightgown. “Shh, shh. I know, Ji. I know.”

“But, mama--” you gasp, still feeling her die in your head. “We have to--”

“We have to get to Uncle. You heard her. We have to get away. Jiro. You have to stop crying, ok?” She looks around frantically. “I don’t know where we are. I have to find Uncle. They are coming for us too, Jiro. You know that, right? You have to be quiet.”

You hiccup a little, but the thought of another knife coming for you makes you shut up and gulp. “We--, we’re by the bookstore,” you stutter out, pointing towards the distinctive curve of the Markovnikov shop. The station bends here and leads away from the residential areas toward the commerce district, it’s one of the few places you can see out into the black surrounding space. The rest of the station is covered with mirror-glaze, artificial sky, and radiation shields. But here, the exterior meets interior and Markovnikov’s books has a big viewing platform you’ve used countless times. Even the dim ghost images that you saw in the Void were enough to let you know where you are. Chiyoko mutters something under her breath and drags you out of the shop shadow and towards the station port. “We have to go the long way,” she says, a little out of breath as you try to keep up. You’re not used to running and you keep tripping over your shell’s feet. You have a stab of loss for the Void. “We’ll have to go around the ocean. Uncle is on the far end, I think. Maybe. Ugh, I should have paid closer attention!” The last part seemed to be just for her and you ignore it trying to focus on breathing and not collapsing. Being physical is hard! You think, as Chiyoko speeds up and you feel nothing but pain in your sides and something metallic and dry in your throat. 

You lose track of the station. At some point, you dimly feel the ground move underneath you and you realize you’re on the train. Chiyoko has pulled you back onto her back and you can smell the spicy scent of her scales and feel her tail swishing underneath her pajamas. It reminds you of your mother and you start to cry again. You can still hear her mind screaming as whatever-it-was burned through her soul. Chiyoko doesn’t try to make you be quiet. This time of night, the station is reasonably quiet and no one seems to want to pay attention to two children. At some point, the train stops and Chiyoko takes off at a run. You bounce uncomfortably, but are so tired that you find your head drooping onto her shoulder, starting to go to sleep.

Suddenly, she stops. There’s a furious pounding noise. She says, “Uncle Kiros!” Bang Bang Bang. “Uncle! It’s Hoshi Chiyoko! Please open up. Uncle! Uncle!”

There’s a sound of scraping. You see a couple lights flash on in the docking port as the ship dimly comes to life. Through your swollen and painful eyes, you see an old man stick his head out of the bay doors and peer at you and your sister. “Hoshi-daughter? Is that you?” Another light comes on and the doors open all the way. A bent, wizened brown-skinned man is staring at you and Chiyoko. You can feel a wave of curiosity, affection, and vague irritation flood from him towards Chiyoko and a sort of emptiness of thought toward you. You shy away from that emptiness. It reminds you of Mother. 

“Uncle!” Chiyoko says in relief. “Please, something has happened to mother and father. We have to leave the station right away!”

“Leave? Now, Hoshi-daughter, that seems a little extreme, yeah? What has happened to your parents? Maybe I can--”

“No, please! Mother said you would help us. That we had to run.” Chiyoko glances behind her as if she could already see pursuers and shivers a little. “Please help us, Uncle. We have to leave. Right now!”

“Alright, alright, girl. No need to fuss. Come in, come in. I’ll just send a message to your father that--”

“No!”

The old man had been gently ushering you and Chiyoko into the ship and was closing the door when Chiyoko’s adamant negative ricochet in the corridor. He stops, giving her a surprised look. 

“No,” she says again, calmer. “Mother said you would help us. Please. We need to leave right now.”

The old man nods and finishes closing the door, but mutters, “How your blessed mother could know that I would be here today...why, I just got in this afternoon. Barely time to refuel, much less take care of a pair of youngsters. Heyla, Hoshi-daughter, who’s this boy you are carrying?” You feel the old man peer at you as he shuffles behind Chiyoko towards the control center of the ship. “A friend of yours?”

“My...my cousin,” Chiyoko falters. 

“Your cousin is a human? Strange family, the Hoshi’s,” he says mostly to himself. “Never heard of no Saruian taking a human mate. Most unusual.”

“Please!” says Chiyoko, urging the old man towards the pilot station. You can hear the exasperation and exhaustion in her voice. “We need to go!”

“Now, now, girl. All things happen when they need to happen. Your parents, can we send help to them? Where are they?”

“I don’t know!” wails Chiyoko. “Mama just told me to get Jiro, go to you and get off the station.”

“Huh. Boy’s name is Jiro, then.” The old man grabs your chin and turns your face to the light. At his touch, you feel a wash of kindness, compassion, comfort that makes more tears pour down your face. “Oh, dear. Oh there, there, boy.” You feel a comforting pat on your back. “What happened to your honored parents then? Your aunt and uncle? Do you remember?”

“They--the--they’re dead,” you choke out, hearing your mother’s screaming again. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to get the sound out of your head. You clamp your hands over your ears and scream, “THEY’RE DEAD!” as loud as you can, as if it will banish their ghosts. 

Another gentle pat. This time, the old man’s hand stays on your head and smooths your hair. “Ah, alright boy. Deep breaths, let all that pain out. That’s a good boy. Chiyoko, is the boy right? Your parents run into some trouble?”

You dissolve back into miserable sobbing, feeling the calming stroke of the man’s hand actually starting to ease the hot ball of suffering lodged somewhere in your chest. You can feel Chiyoko nod. “Yes, sir,” she whispers and you can feel a wave of her grief and anguish spiral through you. It burns. The man turns away from you both and settles into the pilot’s chair with a sigh. 

“No good. That’s not right. Planetary survey crew like the Hoshi’s. Who could mean them any harm? Finest pilots in twelve systems. Ain’t no one want to kill the Hoshi’s,” he mutters to himself, but you feel Chiyoko’s balance shift as the ship starts to power up and you hear the man radio the Stationmaster for launch clearance and you feel an overwhelming surge of relief at getting away from the blood and screaming. 

Chiyoko puts you down on the deck, and crouches next to you and curls her body over yours protectively. You can feel her crying and the hot flood of tears and grief seeps into your brain. :Chi-chan?: you ask her, reaching out with cautious mental fingers to brush against her mind timidly. :Chi-chan, they’re gone. I felt mama die. Felt it. In my head. I was with her.: Chiyoko doesn’t say anything, just holds you tighter, but you can feel her sadness mirror your own and it makes your skin hurt. 

***

Kiros Phoenix is a kind man. You know that every second of every day. It’s been three weeks since It happened and Uncle Kiros has made good on whatever promises he made to your mother and father. You are still too young to understand most of what goes on or what he does for a living, but Chiyoko knows and it makes her lips go tight and flat with disapproval. But you both have plenty to eat, and Uncle tells you stories that distract you, sometimes. You’re safe, cared for. Every time you touch the old man, you can feel nothing but genuine good wishes and kindness for both you and Chiyoko. But you still can’t speak. It’s as if something tore out your vocal cords when you last screamed and you’re trapped in silence. 

“Here now, Hoshi-boy, you have to eat a little bit, yeah? Just a little bit.” Kiros hands you flat bread with something buttery. The thought of eating is revolting to you. Mama didn’t have time to teach you how to do it. You look at Chiyoko. She mimes opening her mouth, makes chewing motions and swallows dramatically to show you what to do. You take the bread and take a bite. It’s like glue. The taste is so bland, you’re not sure if your shell’s taste sensors have malfunctioned. But you follow along with Chiyoko’s chewing and swallow obediently. As soon as you do, there’s a satisfying rush of gold-purple energy that floods through your system and you feel a little better. You take another bite. And another. The gold-purple light seems to be filling up holes in your soul and your despair eases slightly. The old man looks pleased with himself. “Good boy,” he says, patting you. “You eat that and sleep a little and you’ll feel better.” He gives you a kind look. “Nothing can take the grief away, but a little food can ease the suffering. Eat.” He shoves another piece of bread at you. “Good, good. Hoshi children are eating and sleeping finally! Yes, yes. Hoshi-daughter, your parents came from Sadea Station, before this one, right? They were working for Thiel Enterprises? Is that right? We should go ahead and notify the local Peacekeeper that one of their ships was--”

“No!” Chiyoko chokes a little on her meal and gasps. “No! Mother said we can’t tell anyone?”

Kiros frowns. “No one? But, girl, we have to tell someone there was a murder! Now, I understand not telling anyone on Tyra, but we’ve got to start an investigation.”

Chiyoko looks down, confused. “But…”

Kiros pats her comfortingly. “Now, don’t you worry. Thiel will take good care of you. And the boy. And they’ll find out who did this to your parents. Tight run company, Thiel. You work for them, you’ve got a job for life. More like a family.” He sits back into his chair, content with the plan. “Sure, maybe the Tyra Station had some bad eggs, but no one gets over on Thiel and gets away with it. You’ll see, Hoshi-daughter. They’ll fix this whole mess. We’ll stop over at Sadea and sort this whole thing out. You’ll see.”

You see Chiyoko swallow and the same shadow you saw on your Mother’s face on your birthday flits across hers. It makes a hole in your stomach open up. :Chiyoko? What is it?:

:Hush,: she replies back. :I’m going to try to See.:

:See? Like mama?:

:Yes.: You feel her shove you out of her mind. :Go away. I have to concentrate. And keep Uncle from bothering me for a couple hours.:

:Okay,: you say, but you feel oddly bereft and cold. :How am I supposed to do that?:

She gives you an exasperated glance and stands up, moving toward her bunk. :I don’t know! Figure something out, little brother! You’re so useless.:

:Sorry,: you try to say, but she’s thrown up her walls and you can’t talk to her anymore. You go back to poking at the bread, but a lump has developed in your throat and you suddenly can’t swallow.

Uncle Kiros opens the docking bay doors and you and Chiyoko step out onto Sadea. You grab her hand and stay close to her as Uncle fusses with the ship locks and chats with the port technician for what seems like a really long time. There are too many confusing emotions and sensations around you. You shrink closer into to Chiyoko and try to make yourself smaller. She shoves you a little. :Stand up, brother. Don’t be such a baby. We have to be grown up, now that mama and papa are gone.:

But you don’t feel grown up. You feel overwhelmed and terrified all the time. Kiros brays out a big laugh at something the tech says and motions to you and Chiyoko. “Come, come, Hoshi children! Mister Joyce here says that Thiel is up on Level Two. So, we will need to go for a walk. Hoshi-daughter, hold my hand.”

“Hoshi?” Joyce’s ears seem to perk up at the name. “Hoshi, like the surveyors? The Fujian pilots? Are they here?” He looks back towards Kiros’s ship. 

“Oh no, no. Uncle Kiros is baby sitting for Hoshi-daughter and Hoshi-cousin, Jiro, today,” says Kiros with another hearty laugh. “The parents were tied up at Tyra. Need me to check on a couple things with the company and couldn’t watch the children themselves.”

“Ah,” says Joyce. But you feel something dark and sick crawling around in his mind. Without thinking, you reach up to touch his hand briefly. Guilt, anxiousness, betrayal, and something hot and sticky that you can’t recognize as an emotion floods into you. You snatch your hand back and Chiyoko smacks your palm. :Stop that!: she says, glaring at you. :Don’t draw attention to yourself. Never let them know what you are.:

Joyce’s eyes have gone intense and he’s staring at you, watching the exchange. You draw yourself in small behind Chiyoko as she tightens her grip on Kiros’s hand. “Kids, huh!” Kiros says, tugging both of you forward and towards the corridor that would lead to Sadea Station proper. “Thank you, Joyce. We’ll see you in a few hours. Come along, children. Places to go, people to see…”

You can’t get the feel of that hot, sticky emotion out of you mind and you compulsively wipe your hand on your clothes. It reminds you of how the vibroblade felt, right before...but you stop that thought before it can make you go cold again. 

Kiros leads you and Chiyoko through a maze of sensations. It’s too much for you. The constant bombardment of feelings and sensory experiences makes you sick and you clutch Chiyoko’s hand like it will wash you away like a wave. With the other, you shove against your forehead and ear as if it will stop the constant input. Chiyoko yanks you forward periodically as you stop periodically, drowning in all the people’s emotions and body-feelings. Finally, she drags you up to sit piggy-back on her hips. :What is wrong with you?: she mind-hisses in annoyance. :I told you not to draw attention to yourself!:

:Sorry,: you try to say, but Sadea is much larger than Tyra and your shell is shoving energy at you faster than you can use it and the most peculiar feeling is happening in your head...it almost itches...or burns, maybe. And the sensation is getting worse the longer it goes. Finally, Kiros turns into a lift. You watch the Station levels disappear underneath the glass panes as the lift goes higher and higher. It opens into a giant aquarium. 

For a moment, you’re completely distracted and enthralled. The whole section is underwater, with glass on every side except for the floor. You can see fish, sharks, corals, a whole undersea experience just beyond the glass. You wriggle off Chiyoko’s back to press your face up against the glass and breathe it in, burning brain forgotten. Kiros moves to grab your hand and drag you away, but a woman dressed in business attire, black and forbidding, stops him.

“There’s no need. The boy is fine where he’s at,” she says, smiling at Kiros. It makes you feel cold. “Please, feel free to continue your business with the intake manager. I will be happy to keep an eye on your grandson here.”

“Ah, Hoshi-boy is not my grandson, though he does seem to enjoy your aquarium.” You feel unease and anxiousness from the normally relaxed Kiros. It makes you look at him in surprise. You feel nothing from the woman but a wave of cold. You take a step back and bump into the aquarium walls. She turns her smile to you and all you see are white, white teeth. “Well, thank you, Miss, but…” Kiros says, as if waiting for some sign from you that you want to stay or leave with him. 

“It’s no trouble,” she says, not breaking eye contact with you. “Hoshi and I will do well to get acquainted. Don’t you think, Hoshi?”

You look up at Kiros helplessly, but he shrugs. You still can’t talk. The words won’t come. You want to tell him not to leave you and that you want to go with him, but the woman is now standing in front of you and Chiyoko is standing awkwardly with the intake manager waiting for Kiros and the old man turns away to follow them deeper into the building.  

The woman watches them leave and then turns back to you, still smiling. She runs her hand along the length of your jaw where the seams haven’t quite grown together yet. It’s subtle, but she finds them and the shock of being touched like that makes you recoil. There’s a wave of that sticky, hot emotion again and something that makes your insides feel liquified. The combination of unfamiliar emotions makes you shiver a little and you feel the shell break out in a sweat. The woman seems to be as surprised as you when it happens though and she peers more closely at you. “Well. Hoshi, is that your name?” she asks you, kneeling in front of you so she can look into your eyes.

You don’t say anything. 

“Hoshi.” She rolls the sound of your family on her lips and for some reason it makes you angry. Deeply angry. “You’re not at all what we expected, you know.” She draws her fingers down your face again. “And you’re just a baby, I see. Barely materialized. Is this your first shell?” She’s touching your clothes and gripping one hand and those unfamiliar feelings are bombarding you, making it hard to think. You’re fairly sure they are all coming from her. Whatever they are, they are strong. She licks her lips. “You’re going to be beautiful when you grow up a little. Did your mother make you this shell?” She sighs a little and places her hand against your heart. “I liked your mother. Terrible shame.” She looks at you as she says it, and suddenly, you understand what those emotions are. Not in words, but they are the same as the blood-lust and violence you felt when someone killed your father and there were echoes of the same feelings in your mother’s death scream. This woman, or someone like her, killed your family. She knows it. She wants you to know it, and to suffer. The emotional pressure erupts and you go beserk.

And as if that thought had summoned her, Chiyoko and Kiros erupted out of the other room at the same time you placed both hands over your ears and SHOVED all that emotion back at the woman. She wouldn’t let you go. All that hot energy and the burning feeling in your brain coalesced for a moment on her hands. You grip them, and let your mother’s scream rip through your head again. This time, you can see the tendons, muscles, nerves leading all the way to the woman’s spinal cord, heart, and brain. Without thinking, you shove that scream and all the death energy up into that path, letting it burn out her spinal cord and brain. You feel her die, just like your mother. For a moment, your brain is burning, your spinal cord is molten lava and you’re dying, just like her, and all you can do is scream and scream and scream until your voice dies and strong hands yank you up and start running towards the exit. 

Dimly, you can see something still alive in the room. It’s Chiyoko. Someone is holding her back. No, many someones and sharp pops glance off you and Kiros as he runs towards the exit and the ship. 

“NO!” you scream again, finding the strength from somewhere as you watch Chiyoko being dragged away from you, over the liquefied remains of the woman. “NO! CHI-CHAN! CHIYOKO!” you wrench the energies through your shell back into the room, even as Kiros is carrying you away from her and savagely twist those energies through the spinal cords of two of the creatures holding Chiyoko. You feel them convulse as you tear the life energies out of them, feel their spines breaking as if it was your own and the shock of the pain is enough to drive you unconscious and limp in Kiros’s arms.