Entry 31 - Immaculate Vehicle of a Dead Goddess

Afternoon light is cold. It has an atmosphere of merciless purpose to it. No wonder it’s associated with fire and the mythological warrior. It occurred to me that this light batters everything around it, cruelly exposing every piece of reality. There’s no protection from seeing things in their true form. The shadows from obstacles could be metaphors for man-made shields, self-protecting devices designed to insulate us from that merciless pounding. It seems as though the dawn is more of an idealist. The one who counters the afternoon’s harsh pragmatism with more of an innocent hope for what could be. The Maiden sees the future, not reality and so it’s a silver/golden dusting of light. Dusk, the steady acceptance of past and future without a sense of determination or aggression. The mood of reflection that comes before wisdom where thought and truth, future and present can be combined with memories of the past. It’s a time without pain. Quiet melancholy of the day coming to its end. Full night – death- the last birth of shrouding darkness of a womb or the earth. No wonder people fear the night. It reminds them of mortality and loss of consciousness. It’s the quiet of healing, rebuilding, restoring where you can’t control your heart or brain anymore. This is my evocation of the divine.

I like the dusk. There’s a state of timelessness in this water-dark that I resonate with. Of course, there’s a bunch of alchemical and magical / mystical symbolism to this light. The west, dusk, is representative of the Crone in western European religions. I see Greece when I think of dusk. I see myself on the top deck of a ship with the wind tearing at my eyes and hair, feeling the cool white light of the full moon rising over the Mediterranean sea, permeating purple-black waves that heave and roll like all the dragons from sailor’s stories were rumbling in the deeps. Good times. I finally feel like myself. This is the first time in what seems like months that I actually feel joyful, energized, ready to concentrate. Thank god.