Entry 23 - Negative Space Filled Up With God

To be removed from grief and joy holds nothing. Grief can give community, intimacy, gentleness of spirit. God should not give up joy because joy is the energy that created everything ) or at least our single perception of it). A big bang of compassion and overwhelming joy that initiates that wonderful burning energy in the solar plexus. Why is involvement so important? Bliss, boundless joy takes you back into the complete energy that is God. I don’t think that I exist. People are all the same, hopes/dreams, etc. matrix-like, we’re trapped in our own heads. Once you accept you are God, you lose self. That’s why I want to stay apart. Ego allows you to be an element of the web of the universe. When you merge completely, you are no longer a strand of the web, you are the blackness that surrounds it. Like, Alanna, we can’t let go. And why should we? What is wrong with having self? Why shouldn’t we take joy in material life and pleasure in all elements? If you concentrate completely on spiritual, you suffer and worse, those around you suffer. Your body dies…it is a gift, why waste it through neglect? Meditation/spirituality can come from every movement, every breath and thought NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Why do we need meditation or yoga or anything when we are god, and god is pure joy. We don’t need anything but an open heart which can be gained by OBSERVING AND CARING FOR THE MATEIRAL WORLD. Scientists search for quanta and find nothing. They look for the present, not the shadow-weave. Negative space filled up with God and truth manifesting energy in infinite ways to grow and create. It’s like trying to find the final image in two reflecting mirrors…How do you describe eternity? How do you describe boundless joy that reflects off itself into eternity? Negative space? Created from three threads—

Tomas – stillness, earth

Rajas-Fire

Sattva-divinity, air

Woven together, a real shadow weave. Limitation=manifestation with forces you into time—which is itself just a construct. A synthetic manifestation that time exists in the first place in any constancy. As a manifestation, you stop/speed up time at your whim. Perhaps time is another symptom of that shadow-weave and its impact on the web, along with light, sound, shape, etc. like the electrons changing shells to create light and color—the effect, not the cause.

If fed from the outside, the heart remains a mystery – an empty, black cave. Too many times we try to feed the cave, when stillness and solitude open up that pit, give it life and nurturing. Without that openness, the pit remains dark, leading to teenage depression, violence, sex, anger. We try to heal the hole. Why do the people who have the most to live for want the most to die? Feed that heart-hole of blackness with medication and material crap. With no emphasis on inner quality, we try to stuff a bottomless pit with those tools that we have been taught to use. Unfortunately, it’s like trying to use a hammer where a scalpel is needed. Completely unsuited for its work (bad Dharma). People are afraid of silence—punk rock was invented to fill up the silence, the hole, so we can’t hear our own empty heart. If you can’t understand what your OWN HEART NEEDS, how can you give joy/benevolence/strength to others. Qualities of western society (our own personal methods to enlightenment). Aggression=catalyst to provoke solitude-distractions of western culture.