Updates and Steps for Success

So, I think I need to stop writing fiction for a little while. And I need to stop reading it/watching it. Something seems to happen to my brain where it smooshes into a tiny box of misery and self-centeredness that is extremely unpleasant whenever I watch movies, read fiction, or even listen to music. I don’t like it. Lately, I’ve had to go out and be social. I drank alcohol. I ate lots of sugar. We all cried a lot (many going-away ceremonies). There’s a ton of drama with two of my employees that are just KILLING MY SPIRIT on a daily basis. And I’m getting weird. It’s obvious. I don’t like how any of this is making me feel or how my responses seem to make no sense.

So.

Back to living that penitent life. #monkgoals. No more drinking, sugar, movies, emotional garbage - including the stuff I write! There’s only so much trauma and romance that the cyborg brain can tolerate at a time and I believe I am past my operating limits. Ouch. And so, I’m going to go back to my beautiful environmental science. Do some chemistry. Think some deep thoughts. Put some notes together for my phyto book (which I’ve been ignoring for too long anyway). I have some new biochemistry references, a good book on biogeomorphology and soil structures, and a really good environmental organic chemistry review book that should be fun. I’ve got stuff and I’m not afraid to use it. I also still haven’t finished my terraforming book - though - some of those articles are less than impressive. It’s obvious this is a frontier science. People are getting away with all kinds of sloppy for that submittal. But I did pick up a couple astrobiology references that could be fun to learn about.

Biology is better when it’s from SPACE! And yes, I know panspermia is a common theory now and all life probably developed from SPACE! in some way, but that’s what I bought the books for, so don’t talk at me.

I don’t feel very heard/seen ever and lately its been quite a bit worse. I think I’d like someone to actually engage with my questions/problems as a counselor and not just talk at me about whatever issues they are transferring onto my life. Humans suck. I mean, I love them and I’ve dedicated my life to protecting and caring for them, but woof. I need a minute.

Anyway, I know no one out there actually reads this, but I wanted to let any potential viewer know that fiction just isn’t going to work until I can get my equilibrium back. Right now, everything hurts. I can feel everyone’s pain all the time and everyone is SO DAMN PUSHY about it. Seriously. Japanese people are always at a low-level of despair and the US are wound so tight, I can hear their self-loathing/ADHD minds from across the room. Why is everything so loud all the time? There’s always a machine gun of sound harshing my vibe here. It hurts.