Japan Diaries

So. The dust has settled a little. I have a house. I have furniture (sort of). My things are coming in a few weeks, hypothetically. They are currently in Yokohama, so it should only take 6-8 weeks for them to make it to Tokyo. That’s a joke.

I’m in a rather curious position here. It’s odd to be back in the military, even as a civilian. And it’s even odder to be in the Air Force. Better, don’t get me wrong, much better, but it’s such a strange feeling. All those problems from years ago are still there, but my perspective is so different now. All those same pressures and anxieties immediately popped up, but the Air Force culture and the nature of being a civilian DoD member gives it an entirely new flavor. And, I’m sure that the influence of being in a foreign country obviously has quite a different effect on the whole dynamic. Such a curious feeling.

I also found out that I am still in the Army. Probably. This was not necessarily news to me, however, given the thought that I could be recalled at any time back into active service as an Army military police officer, I felt I should go find out for real. And maybe change to bioenvironmental for the Air Force. If I have to fight, I don’t want to do it for the Army anymore. I imagine I wasn’t a terribly good Army officer and no one needs me to repeat the experience. The Air Force, on the other hand, seems to have some things I can agree with. And they don’t yell/beat you as much. That appeals to me. Bioenvironmental is also part of the Medical group, so they seem to be allowing me to certify on AEMT and may even give me the opportunity to go to paramedic/nursing/medical school, depending on how short of medical professionals they are.

This could be a very interesting experience. We will see.

This week was the New Year holiday, obviously. I went to a neighborhood temple to ring the bells and get some blessings. I learned how to ride the train properly. I found the Tama River bike trail and got a proper repair kit for the little Brompton so I don’t end up stranded and have to eat my own foot for survival. We visited Akibihara and a nice man gave me many gifts of plastic anime girls and perfume for buying something from his shop. There was Takiyaki, a red bean and chestnut pastry that tasted like comfort and fall wrapped up in happiness and the coldest wind ever known that forced me to buy and use leg warmers for the first time in my life.

I attempted to use a convenience store to pay my internet bill and ended up mildly ruining the cashier’s life as I had messed up the packing and sending instructions on the box (being illiterate sucks), and then didn’t know how to acknowledge receipt on their little payment machines. I am looking into a tattoo that just reads “Stupid Foreigner” placed on my forehead. In Japanese, to save time, of course. I still don’t have the courage to eat natto or to go shopping by myself at the super market, so that is my goal tomorrow. Or maybe Monday. I think I can put this off for a little while before I starve to death and eat my own foot. So I have a plan, as you can see.

I am cold almost all the time, though pleasantly warmed at periodic intervals between baths. But it does remind me of camping with that constant cold hovering just around all my blankets and heaters. Lurking, one could almost say.

I am tempted to join a dojo here. But I also know that I have a bad habit of starting things I can’t finish and a deep, fundamental hatred of forming human connections, so I’m a little bit torn. On the one hand, it would be great to learn Aikido from an actual Japanese master. On the other hand, it’s just another opportunity to not meet another sensei’s expectations and feel guilty about moving ever thirty seconds. And it’s yet another social situation to have to explain to people why I don’t want to do what they want to do. That’s a tough conversation and I have to do it so often with the military folks, I just don’t know if I have the energy for yet another series of disappointed/sensitive personalities.

I’m leaning towards no. It never serves to get attached to any one place, thing, or hobby anyway. Not in the world of samsara anyway. And I’d rather spend my time meditating/doing the Buddhist studies than trying to meet expectations that I don’t care about from people who will disappear in a couple years. It is unpleasant enough redirecting their opinions and assumptions about my life choices in the short-term, much less over years. Remarkable that people can be around each other and LIKE it. I always have that little moment of disorientation when I see happy married couples. There are two here. It always takes me a minute to remember that some people seem to like being married, like each other, like their children, etc. And are able to support each other/be interested and understanding of each other. Such a strange idea. I always feel so stiff and awkward around them, as if one of my world assumptions just disappears and I have to reset my personality/presence to accommodate some kind of magic that I genuinely don’t understand. A very curious experience.

Anyway. Today, Amazon sent me a bucket of money for unknown reasons, allegedly for royalties for Bad Company, but since I haven’t sold any books and no one has read it, I am suspicious. I’m sure they’ve sold it to a subsidiary for a movie script or something and I’ve just lost $30 million or some equally terrible thing. But, speaking of which, I am starting to calm down a little from all the moving/job chaos, so I think I’ll be able to get back to writing soon. It would feel good to get some quality time in. Although, I feel like I may be a very different writer with all this Buddhism floating around in my skull. I wonder if I’ll still be able to write?

We shall see.

Happy 2022 everyone. Blessings and peace be upon you and all you love.